CONAIR MERCH

Genuine Letter of Marque from the Heard and McDonald Islands Federation

🐧149.00

Mahogany peg leg and stainless steel hook included. Worldwide authorization to conduct cargo transport, humanitarian assistance, diplomatic engagement, resource acquisition, and "whatever Señor Cousin claims it's for." Classification: Diplomatic / Maritime / Extremely Complicated.

Classic 1940s-Style Trenchcoat

🐧194.00

As worn by Señor Cousin on missions of questionable authorization. Mysteriously always a little dusty.

Frank's Well-Worn Captain's Hat

🐧59.99

Adjustable fit for every adventure — and every singing penguin. Authentic insignia (well, as authentic as we could get).

FALP Squadron T-Shirt

🐧29.00

Fuerza Aérea de Liberación de Pingüinos. Same skies, different birds. Premium cotton, built for the long haul.

Commando Sven Patch

🐧12.00

Commemorating the WorldFlight 2025 operation to "liberate" a 747 — the Queen of the Skies herself. Embroidered. Questionably official.

BBLP Volunteer Firefighter's Helmet

🐧84.00

Genuine (well, genuinely dented) helmet of the Penguin Volunteer Fire Brigade. Real heroes have feathers.

Team PSCC Coffee Mug

🐧18.00

Different aircraft. Same crew. Premium ceramic, built for long flights and late nights.

Señor Cousin's Famous Aviator Sunglasses

🐧45.00

Premium aviator sunglasses. Classic style, modern performance. Good pilots wear these. — Cousin

HKG Rubber Penguin

🐧9.00

For every crew that's ever flown a whole lot of questionable cargo out of Hong Kong. Bath-time approved.

FrankenWeather Add-On for Aerowinx PSX

🐧29.99

The weather add-on that makes your PSX 747 crew earn their coffee. Realistic METAR/TAF, live radar, and turbulence ranging from light to "why did we take this job."

Señor Cousin's Frozen Fish Tacos

🐧4.99

Wild-caught, cold-water, and of unusually mysterious origin. "Good fish. Good people. That's a carga especial." — Señor Cousin. 4 tacos, serves 2 (or 1 very hungry Cousin).

CONAIR Ground Crew Leather Jacket & Turban

🐧149.00

Genuine leather look, embroidered patches, and the iconic white turban. For the dedicated few who keep the ramp running while everyone else gets the songs written about them.

BBLP Supertanker 944 RC Model

🐧249.00

Scale Boeing 747-400 RC firefighter with a functional tailhook water pickup boom. Ready to fly. Because some heroes fly low — and this one fits on your coffee table.

CONAIR Brewing Co. Penguin IPA (6-Pack)

🐧14.99

Bold hops, cold waters, noot good. Crafted in Patagonia by penguins who take their in-flight entertainment — and their beer — very seriously. 6 x 330ml, 6.5% vol.

Official PSCC Beer Tent

🐧399.00

Good beer. Great company. Farther places. Everything you need to set up an impromptu welcome party on any ramp, anywhere in the world. Kegs and CONAIR banners sold separately.

Kisengele-Mbandaka-Wangazi Approach Chart

🐧3.99

Official Penguinsen visual approach chart for FZKM. "Because even penguins need a chart." PPR required. No instrument procedures available. Cessna 172 (STOL kit) recommended; 747s attempt at their own risk.

"VIVA LA MEXICO" Trumpet Air Horn

🐧89.00

One squeeze, instant mariachi energy. Guaranteed to convince at least one confused penguin of your current location.

1000 NFT Crypto Coins "Cold Coin"

🐧1000.00

ColdCoin: cryptocurrency for a cooler tomorrow. Blockchain verified, cold-mined in Patagonia, 100% Non-Fishy-Token (NFT). Buy 1000 and get a free NFT portrait of Señor Cousin himself, absolutely no questions asked. Value not guaranteed, not insured, and not audited by anyone who returned our calls.

The Questionable Characters Collection (Plush Set)

🐧79.00

Four penguins. One unwise adventure. Señor Cousin (trenchcoat, sunglasses, CONAIR luggage tag), Nephew (BBLP helmet, paint palette), Frank (has seen better days) and Air Marshal Sven (medals not to scale). Shipped in a genuine CONAIR crate marked "Handle with suspicion". Collect them all. Question everything.

SUPREME PINGU KING — Official State Portrait

🐧299.00

Pay tribute to the Cute Leader’s likeness! A magnificent portrait of our beloved leader, resplendent in medals, golden braid, and unquestionable authority. An essential addition to every loyal penguin’s home, office, or airport terminal. Three sizes included: Executive (perfect for your home office), Ministerial (for the serious penguin enthusiast) and Pyongyang Grand Hall (approximately 30 metres high and, naturally, visible from orbit, or so our heroic pinguinauts tell us).